Dispatches from the War on ... Koi?

Balko always comes up with the best stuff.

FREEPORT, Maine --Armed game wardens seized 10 exotic fish from the tank of a popular Chinese restaurant, leaving its owner shaken and outraged.

"They treated me like a criminal," said Cuong Ly, who escaped from Vietnam 25 years ago. "I lived under communism and I felt like I'm back there again."

Ly, 45, said his pet koi were like family members and their confiscation in what he described as a heavy-handed raid made him "want to explode inside."

After obtaining a search warrant, two uniformed wardens and a biologist, accompanied by Freeport police, visited China Rose on Wednesday, taking away the 10 fish that ranged in size from 12 to 14 inches.

The koi had been on display since Ly opened the restaurant nearly 15 years ago and he credited them for bringing good luck to the business in a way akin to the arrangement of articles in the ancient Chinese practice of feng shui.

A few years ago, however, Maine outlawed the importation and possession of koi, and Ly was charged with importing freshwater fish without a permit.

I learned something very poignant in this article. I had no idea that koi were such a hazard to the republic. It also appears that koi may be a gateway fish. I'm very disappointed that the Maine Warden Service spokes-bureaucrat didn't make it clear to the Boston Globe that in the post-9/11 world, we have to know that koi owners support global terrorism.

I want to do my part in this war! I hereby announce that Bloody Mary Breakfast will soon field the Koi Offender Registry. Why? Because I care about the kids!